Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I Belong Here

Episode 1

The following conversations took place a decade back when I visited the US for the first time.

How do you live there? That was a lady from Kerala, long settled in the US. I was there last May.
It’s so hot and sultry. Got rashes all over. My daughter fell sick with the heat, and had to be hospitalized. God I don’t know how you people live there.

(“Are we rats or worms who survive there?” ) I thought, thoroughly irritated.

But, with a plastic smile, I said: Well, we can’t all possibly kill ourselves, can we?

Then I caught sight of my brother glowering down at me. He called me aside and gave me a dressing down.

But you heard what she said, didn’t you?

You don’t have to sink that low. Well, I didn’t know what was so special about me, except that I was his sister, but I held my peace. One doesn’t usually argue with the first born in the family.


Episode 2

Are you planning to disappear here? (Ividei mungaan pogukayaano?)

I beg your pardon?

Ividei mungaan pogukayaano?

Why should I?

People from Asian countries do it all the time, you know. After sometime, you can get your papers regularized.

But why should I do it? My family is back home in India.

When your papers are ready, you can bring them over. A lot of people do it, you know.


I looked at him in utter disbelief.

We are well settled there, back in India. My husband has a job, I have a job and we are comfortable there.

But this is truly God’s own land. The standard of life this country offers you. The climate. The natural beauty. You must see the US in fall. The colours. Kerala landscape is monotonous in comparison.

I know, but the fact remains I don’t belong here.

That does not matter. Once you come here and settle down, you won’t want to go back.

Mebbe. But I see no desperate need to relocate. I’m quite happy in India.


He shook his head helplessly and shrugged his shoulders as though to say ‘Well, if a rat existence is what you want, it’s your funeral’

Happily, I didn’t have to listen to such stuff during my recent visit to the US. I’m not sure if that’s because our Indian Americans think India is a better place now or because I didn’t do much socializing in that crowd. Whatever the reason, these conversations upset me – still; when I think how insensitive people can be.

Also, it surprises me that educated people can think that there is only one path to happiness – driving pricey cars down superbly maintained roads and highways, living in a/c comfort, eating easily and cheaply available quality food imported from all over the world, wearing the best branded clothes always available on discount sales. True, this primrose path does lead to happiness. But there exists another narrow and potholed road which also leads to the same destination.

Tropical weather can be cruel at times. Mosquitoes can make life itchy. Sultry weather can make you feel dirty and tired as you travel on ill maintained public transport buses, or in autos which hurts your back as they descend and ascend out of broken roads. Poor waste management can be an eye (and nose) sore too.

But running away from it all – will that make me happy?
Or rather, will I run away and try to get illegal entry into a strange land because of the opportunities and super sterilised comfort it offers?

Maybe, I’d run away if this tropical sub- continent with all its drawbacks it did not offer me a decent livelihood.
Mebbe I’d run away if India was not a democracy.

Mebbe I’d run away if, by doing it, I could delete the reality that is India from my consciousness.
Mebbe I'd run away if, with all its discomforts, we did not celebrate life here.
As things stand, and at this stage in my life, I'd rather stay put here and not opt for comfortable uncertainties.

The moral of the story? Well, none. Was just sorting out to myself why I don’t quite fancy the idea of relocating to the US despite the openings to do it.

21 comments:

  1. Maybe, I’d run away if this tropical sub- continent with all its drawbacks if it did not offer me a decent livelihood.
    Mebbe I’d run away if India was not a democracy.

    Mebbe I’d run away if, by doing it, I could delete the reality that is India from my consciousness.

    Mebbe I'd run away if, with all its discomforts, we did not celebrate life here.

    At things stand, and at this stage in my life, I'd rather stay put here and not opt for comfortable uncertainties.


    Brilliant Lines, Brilliant Post. Couple of years back when I was in US on a short visit, my Indian Manager there offered me a long term offer at our US office, I rejected it. He even said that the company would consider applying a GC for me if I stay put there. But I said I'm not interested. He asked me the reasons. I gave him some excuses, but he pestered for real reason. Then I shot it on the face - "I don't like the way of life here. I am always an alien here. Come what may". Oh Boy!! one should have seen his face, and the big frown he had. He replied - "Oh you don't like the life here. What kind of life is it back home." I said - "Whatever it is - I feel home, I feel I belong there. That's my place".

    It was the same sentiments you had.

    I am not sure if people has stopped asking about settling in US, but still I feel people who getting used to the comfortable life there still won't like to come back. I have seen friends who are worried about driving here, complaining about the system, and all those things. I have seen cousins who always talk about the nostalgic times they spend here, but still would not take a step to come back.

    But whatever it is India is India, and thats where you belong to. I sincerely believe in any other country you always am an alien, and no matter whatever comforts it gives you, you remains an alien there.

    Hope this is not a long comment :)

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  2. thanks for this post..it helped me clear some dilemma i was facing myself too..and trying to sort out myself..

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  3. I completely avoid the pettymongers in the mallu abroad community, precisely for this reason.

    You become a wanderer after a while. You have no home, no roots. . And you wander around the world. All you can do is to comment on blogs by mallus, to keep the connection to home ...

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  4. ur post makes a lot of sense, ammai. sometimes i feel that once u settle down in a more comfortable country the decision of going back is a tough one to make. maybe it's that u've gotten used to the comfort, the money, the life u never thought u could get used to. exactly the same with those who work back home in india.

    that said and done, don't agree with ur friend who said "asians do it all the time" - that's right, but let's remember MOST of them haven't done it for comfort or because they wanted a better living style compared to their home country - they've done it and still continue to do it so they can make life better back home.

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  5. Im actually crying reading it.
    And I dont even know why.

    I guess those are questions which I ask myself daily.(and find possible answers too).

    But if anyone thinks India can be replaced with material comforts, I dont think so---

    Like they say, you can taken eprson out of India, but not India out from them

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  6. Sour grapes, I guess.

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  7. Good post. Well having returned recently from a stint abroad I have gone through similar experiences.. to be or not to b NRI. There are good things abroad an bad things too.I guess the same with all places. I think its a personal choice people make on wat to sacrifice. I have also felt the urge to stay abroad is more for people who dont have many options at home. As you say a gainful employment, a sense of belonging, a confidence that you will succeed, a happiness that what you do/get is what you deserve and a healthy attitude to the realities of India is wat makes one think that life is good. But given an option a majority of people seem to want to be away from the realities.... and they too face new truths as they move on . For eg: kids culture, losing one's idenitity/close famiolt ties for generations to come etc.. wat to say... the pricey cars and good roads beckon..to each his own....

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  8. No it's not sour grapes. You did the honorable thing, KPJ. Ignore the anonymous jabs.

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  9. Home is where the heart is...
    I cannot live in a land which does not have Thrissur pooram... pulikkali.. kummattikali.. lourde pali (thrissur) perunaal .. paavaratti perunaal... monsoon rains... mohanlal... onam.. mundu...choru... my family... my childhood memories... my friends...

    The only place which can give me more happiness than a place which has all of the above is heaven..

    And going to that place is, as they say, tougher than a camel passing through soochi kuzha!!!

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  10. @ all
    thanks for the comments.feels good that many feel the way i do

    @ deepak
    the camel business- applicable only to the reeking rich :-)r u that?

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  11. Oh it was fo r the rich eh?
    I thought it was in general... :) :)

    I'm nowhere near rich.. forget reeking....
    Anyways heaven can wait (kettallo pithaave)... I have work to be done here ;)

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  12. Mebbe I’d run away if, by doing it, I could delete the reality that is India from my consciousness.

    That's an interesting line of thought.

    Also it amuses me to see 'mebbe' from an English(?) teacher :)

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  13. oh please karthik sivaramakrishnan, i have waited all my life for the mantle of english teacher to fall from my shoulders to use the language my way.

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  14. "Paavangal nin makkal, ninne pularthuvaan,
    Paazhmanalaazhikal thaandunnu.
    Kannuneeruppayi veenurukunnu ennathazhvarayil, doore ennathazhvarayil."
    -ONV

    While not all immigrants do so out of the desire to 'pularthufy' the motherland or fatherland, to many, it becomes a case of 'homeland' becoming more of a mental construct, a state of mind, rather than a place.

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  15. This is not sour grapes but holier than thou attitude! Wonder why an entire blog is dedicated to convincig people how much you love your country. People who left do not love it any less. They went to seek their fortune just like all your Kerala people who leave their State for other states and abroad. Ultimately we all do what is right for us. It doesnt matter if people like you like it or not.

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  16. @Sujatha
    "the motherland or fatherland, to many, it becomes a case of 'homeland' becoming more of a mental construct, a state of mind, rather than a place."

    so right!! well put..

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  17. @Sujatha, @Mathew.

    No place on this earth is sweeter and more heavenly than the little piece of earth in which your forefathers lived.

    Do not kick your motherland. Do not forget your blood. Pretending will not make you part of a different tribe.

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  18. @Anonymous:
    "No place on this earth is sweeter and more heavenly than the little piece of earth in which your forefathers lived."

    And which forefathers would that be, including my great(to the power of 70 generations) grandmother Lucy who lived in Olduvai gorge?

    The whole world is my home, the whole universe is my home, why should I owe allegiance to one particular piece of soil?

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  19. The forefathers who lived after the time of dividing the land among various tribes.

    Your mind may want to owe equal allegiance to Antartica or the moon, but your constitution and your skin color proclaim that you are of tropical origins. It is written all over you. Sorry.

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  20. @Anon:

    There's a peace that comes with acknowledging all that binds us in common- Sorry if you can't feel that and want to continue to feel slighted because of skin-color issues. Good luck with working them out.

    (Not to say that I haven't encountered such problems, but that I choose not to dwell on them and try to move forward from them in whatever way I can.)

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  21. You mean, we all breathe oxygen, we are all encoded by the deoxyribonucleic acid, we all have glucose metabolism, etc?

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