I Belong Here

Episode 1

The following conversations took place a decade back when I visited the US for the first time.

How do you live there? That was a lady from Kerala, long settled in the US. I was there last May. It’s so hot and sultry. Got rashes all over. My daughter fell sick with the heat, and had to be hospitalized. God I don’t know how you people live there.

(“Are we rats or worms who survive there?” ) I thought, thoroughly irritated.

But, with a plastic smile, I said: Well, we can’t all possibly kill ourselves, can we?

Then I caught sight of my brother glowering down at me. He called me aside and gave me a dressing down.

But you heard what she said, didn’t you?

You don’t have to sink that low. Well, I didn’t know what was so special about me, except that I was his sister, but I held my peace. One doesn’t usually argue with the first born in the family.


Episode 2

Are you planning to disappear here? (Ividei mungaan pogukayaano?)

I beg your pardon?

Ividei mungaan pogukayaano?

Why should I?

People from Asian countries do it all the time, you know. After sometime, you can get your papers regularized.

But why should I do it? My family is back home in India.

When your papers are ready, you can bring them over. A lot of people do it, you know.

I looked at him in utter disbelief.

We are well settled there, back in India. My husband has a job, I have a job and we are comfortable there.

But this is truly God’s own land. The standard of life this country offers you. The climate. The natural beauty. You must see the US in fall. The colours. Kerala landscape is monotonous in comparison.

I know, but the fact remains I don’t belong here.

That does not matter. Once you come here and settle down, you won’t want to go back.

Mebbe. But I see no desperate need to relocate. I’m quite happy in India.

He shook his head helplessly and shrugged his shoulders as though to say ‘Well, if a rat existence is what you want, it’s your funeral’

Happily, I didn’t have to listen to such stuff during my recent visit to the US. I’m not sure if that’s because our Indian Americans think India is a better place now or because I didn’t do much socializing in that crowd. Whatever the reason, these conversations upset me – still; when I think how insensitive people can be.

Also, it surprises me that educated people can think that there is only one path to happiness – driving pricey cars down superbly maintained roads and highways, living in a/c comfort, eating easily and cheaply available quality food imported from all over the world, wearing the best branded clothes always available on discount sales. True, this primrose path does lead to happiness. But there exists another narrow and potholed road which also leads to the same destination.

Tropical weather can be cruel at times. Mosquitoes can make life itchy. Sultry weather can make you feel dirty and tired as you travel on ill maintained public transport buses, or in autos which hurts your back as they descend and ascend out of broken roads. Poor waste management can be an eye (and nose) sore too.

But running away from it all – will that make me happy?
Or rather, will I run away and try to get illegal entry into a strange land because of the opportunities and super sterilised comfort it offers?

Maybe, I’d run away if this tropical sub- continent with all its drawbacks it did not offer me a decent livelihood.
Mebbe I’d run away if India was not a democracy.

Mebbe I’d run away if, by doing it, I could delete the reality that is India from my consciousness.

Mebbe I'd run away if, with all its discomforts, we did not celebrate life here.

As things stand, and at this stage in my life, I'd rather stay put here and not opt for comfortable uncertainties.

The moral of the story? Well, none. Was just sorting out to myself why I don’t quite fancy the idea of relocating to the US despite the openings to do it.