I am from Germany and had settled in Kerala for a year due for doing a humanities project I was doing for my job. I was very much excited to go there first because I got to explore a new culture and country, but now I must say I will never step foot in Kerala ever again. Yes, it's a beautiful place, very beautiful, but as someone said before...they don't like anyone who is not of their kind. I was brashed and harassed because I am a white person and not a malayalee..only a very few people I met were nice, but these people either were shunned out from their community as they didn't follow the expectations as they had visioned life different from the "malayalee" life, or they have been abroad elsewhere,know better how to treat people and are also disgusted by their own people. When I tried to speak in malayalam, I was made fun of and people were pointing fingers and laughing..they also act they are better than me and have stabbed me in the back before. They also love to make snobby comments in front of me because they know I don't understand malayalam. Selfish, arrogant, and very disrespectful. It's funny because when I went to Tamil Nadu and Northern India, they were very accepting and friendly..I made a lot of friends from there. I don't know what makes malayalees think they are better...but I heard from a malayalee friend, who feels the same way and is living in the US that they think they are superior than other people..this why many many malayalees born and raised abroad shun their heritage out, marry outside of Kerala and basically want nothing to do with it.and it should be understood because of the way malayalees behave. I have seen this among malayalees in northern India too..just like the US and abroad, they feel the same. Of course not all of them are like that, but a good majority of them are horrible..sorry, but until they get rid of their racist views and their backstabbing behaviors, I don't think anyone, unless you are a native of Kerala and believe in the same thinking, will ever say "I am proud to be a malayalee".
'Dislike' as it's an anonymous comment (or maybe it's not?). Honestly, I have seen enough number of such comments without any scope for verification. There are people who will use this as "manna" to do some more Kerala bashing. I think it is useless and meaningless. Nothing would change by reading this. The people who get disgusted reading this doesn't need to read this to mend their ways. And the people who act like this probably won't change their ways reading this either.
ReplyDeleteMy pessimisting stand does not mean I condone these actions. We are a very strange community. One of my room mates is a Tamilian born and brought up in Trivandrum. So whenever my college friends make a visit, I make it a point to tell them not to make any "pandi" jokes. Regardless of how hard I try, they end up mocking Tamilians and hurting my room mate's feelings. So yes, we are very sad and we are racist.
I am ashamed for the actions of my brethren "if" they really happened. But one persons personal experience does not define our culture although it's very bad advertisement for our home and our people.
However, I do not think there is any point in anonymous comments or more bad publicity to our own failures.
Firstly an Anonymous comment should be given the respect it deserves. And if the sentence construction (long, winded, and ayyo pavam phrases), this person cannot even spot Germany on a map. leave alone be German.
ReplyDeleteThe way the comment goes, there is absolutely no reason to believe it is from a non-Malayalee. This should be one of those "Non Resident Keralites" with their usual crib about how bad malayalee society is, how bad malayalee men are, and thats why we settled in blah blah land.
You talk about racism. Now that malayalees have stopped migrating to north India, they've stopped calling us madrasis and lolakuttys, and beating us up the way they did 80s Mumbai. But they still mistreat us when we take a rickshaw in Bangalore.
Go international, and from experience with Germans (anecdotal as the commentators but I've spend months), there is no other group of people I've seen who believe so much as their race is superior. It was true in 40s, it's true today from personal experience. So is the French who spit on Americans. We never spit on any one. Nor are we hostile like some other people. Maybe we treat everyone as in an egalitarian society. Maybe the "german" or "domestic tourist" want to be respected more. then we can't sell it right?
Laurie Baker is a well respected non malayali, Prabhath Patnaik is one, we dont call Kalam 'pandi' - do we?, we dont boycott Rajnikanth movies on the Mullaperiyar issue - do we?, most of my teachers in school were from the North - i dont remember calling them 'roti curry' - even when they made fun of coconut oil.
"......this why many many malayalees born and raised abroad shun their heritage out, marry outside of Kerala and basically want nothing to do with it" - is it just me who feels an NRK ring to it.
By not staying in Kerala, this commentator is missing a lot of good things. Athinu racism card upoyogikkan ivanaru Ricky Pontinga?
This is a very fair commentary on Kerala. Call it Kerala bashing or not, but this is the truth.
ReplyDeleteAlmost all malayalees have a feeling that malayalees [& kerala] are superior to others in many respect. How many times had we seen mallus boasting about 'kerala model development'? High literacy rate, higher standard of living, etc. has made malayalees proud & arrogant.
ReplyDeleteconstructive criticism is always good...
ReplyDeleteExactly my thoughts BVN..
ReplyDeleteThe posted comment had such a Kerala-hating NRK touch to it. The only reason I refrained saying that was cos of the respect you mentioned in the first line of your comment.
"only a very few people I met were nice", "these people either were shunned out from their community", "they have been abroad elsewhere,know better how to treat people and are also disgusted by their own people", "It's funny because when I went to Tamil Nadu and Northern India, they were very accepting and friendly", "this why many many malayalees born and raised abroad shun their heritage out, marry outside of Kerala and basically want nothing to do with it", "I have seen this among malayalees in northern India too..just like the US and abroad, they feel the same."
Too many stereotypes which is 100 percetn typical of a Kerala bashing NRK. And for a person who had settled in Kerala for just a year, she seems to have a terrific understanding of how people in Tamil Nadu and "northern India" behave, why Malayalees stay abroad etc.
It's just sad that these people have to feel this way for ever, NRK or not.
I 'm of the firm belief that this "anonymous" comments are not from any German. It is certainly from a Mallu, or some faceless fearful idiot.
ReplyDeleteBefore we go into the familiarity of these allegations in real life Mallu land , I feel we must consign these "anonymous: comments to the trash bin. That is where such face less opinions must be .If one is not capable of expressing ones opinion without a cover then one should not air any opinion at all..
True indeed the Mallu's attitude to a visitor. Arrogance is his forte. Derision is often in the air. Though this land has the natural beauty to beckon foreign travelers,the insipid attitude of the Malayalee may be a deterrence.
We have not learned to respect and care for a visitor. A casual visit to a resort by the beach will tell us.
thats sad!our people behave like that!! mallus or any body else...Shame!!!
ReplyDeleteIn punjab more then ninety percent kids are in (US)or other countries...respecting Nri;s or any other tourist in our country shows our humble-ness and our cultures...Making fun of others ,mocking or leg pulling..shows your own desperation and frustrations of life!its ignorance..think what these tourists will say when they come back to US or other countries about India and its people!!
Shame!
Wow...as a NRI myself. I feel bad. Honestly I can't say if this is true because I never actually lived in Kerala, so I don't know how foreigners are treated and have never seen a foreigner when I went to Kerala before, but it seemed way too extreme..this sounded so harsh that maybe it was a troll who just wants to upset people or is very hurt and had to let out anger in some way, even though it may seem harsh to the ears. I know alot of people don't appreciate some things seen..I don't either..but I really doubt that part because it's making it sound like Kerala is North Korea and we must stay away :/. Honestly the things people said before in the "I am a Malayalee" topic..is apparently true for me. However, I have to admit it DOES NOT apply to every single malayalee out there! I know malayalees who are living and have lived outside Kerala who respect other people from different cultures and races and have many friends as well. But I can relate in some way..and must admit it's true many raised seem to shun out their heritage, because to tell the truth...I myself have been in situations where I really want to resent the culture of malayalees. But the reasoning I think not only apply to how mallus view themselves and the superiority complex, which is true among many malayalees (not ALL though!), but for kids born and raised abroad have views on life that many of their immigrant parents are against (mix marriage is a common example) and the sometimes the forcing of culture down on them which can be a heavy burden despite growing up abroad. I don't think it's a good idea to FORCE down culture..also can cause resentment as there seem to be too many expectations, making it difficult to enjoy the purity of the culture itself and thus moving away from it. Some I find really ridiculous to even consider. We should instead provide ways that help EMBRACE it. So the second reason is how culture was put on them and the misunderstanding or denying to understand one another where feelings and opinions from one of the two parties (parents and kids or between the pure malayalees and NRK/NRI's) are not accepted..and usually its the kids' opinions and feelings who are not tolerated by malayalee parents, even when the kids themselves can tolerate and accept their opinions. You can say it's always about them them and them and what THEY want in most cases. This is probably why fights and family breakage is common..lack of understanding or acceptance of one's views. I think it is really important for parents who raising kids abroad understand that their children will have different views and beliefs on certain things..and whehter they like it or not..they need to accept whatever it is. The pure malaylaees should know this too and accept the way NRK's or NRI's are..and we NRK's and NRI's in return need to respect the way pure malayalees are. And to be honest, if you can respect and just consider them a good person..it's possible to get long with each other. My cousin married a pure malayalee and we get along easily because she understands and respects us and our ways of life and we respect hers. Same with my cousins in India..they know better now because they have been away from Kerala for sometime and know better how to accept people in all ways. Continued on next post...
ReplyDeleteWithout accepting feelings and opinions on both sides...it's a 100% guarantee that family closeness will diminish..and not alot of families realize this..though there are some that do and know the reality, know a few families like that. It's the expectation to become a full blooded pure malayalee and to think and act like one that drives NRK's who are not original malayalees away..because some of views are ridiculous and the demand of expectations is really pathetic. Having too many expectations of how a person should be is NOT GOOD. I admit in Kerala they carry on this...which is another reason why NRK's and NRI's won't marry from Kerala or won't associate. I am not going to either...unless they understand how I am and my ways of life, which again, I can easily accept the way they are. Being honest here.
ReplyDeleteContinued....I have to say I have one parent who tends to understand this, and one who don't..and because of that, I'm not in a good relationship with the parent who refuses to understand right now, and am closer and can share opinions with the other. As to say, I know for a fact I or any malayalee raised abroad, (unless you were raised in the Gulf) cannot be like that....we don't have that mentality of a pure malayalee and our mentalities cannot change..once the mentality is set, it is set for good. There is no way you can change it. .If it cannot be tolerated..it is a BAD choice to move from Kerala ever. I understand that many want to move for a better life and opportunities, but again they need to learn to understand and accept the structural changes that come with it..and of course you can influence your culture and beliefs on your children because they will def have some influence, however you need to respect their feelings and views of certain things and accept the way they are, and let them open up if they feel or something or have a problem. Sometimes you just need to let things go even though you wish not too. If you won't hear or accept it..don't even expect them to come to you for anything or come close to you. As for identity, everyone has the right to identify who they want to be or comfortable being, however, you cannot erase your ethnicity even though you should be able to live the lifestyle you want. For me, I'm an American because I'm born and raised here (nationality)..but I am of malayalee heritage, will never deny/can't that and will always have respect for it, though I do not or will not follow some aspects of it, and of course there are some customs that I cherish that'll I will always carry down with me. But never can I deny my American identity as well. It will always be there. Most US/UK born malayalees will claim that in some sort. Don't know about the pardesi ones. I have too much to say on this, but am going to stop because I have so much other things to do that are more important..but the point is..the reason why NRK's and NRI's and the pure malaylees seem to get away from each other is because there is lack of respect and understanding. The pure malayalees need to learn to stop criticizing too much on other people's ways of life and the way they are, as well the demand of expectations. Too much criticism is bad..which I think is another reason this is happening. And NRK/NRI's need to stop mocking Kerala's literacy rate and environment, which I see tooo much of, as well as the way they speak English..which is a darn stupid thing to mock on. Just RESPECT how they are. Let Kerala and it's residents be them and let the NRK's and NRI"s be them..stop judging, commenting, and trash talking each other that'll put us in World War III. I'm happy I found this because I had these feelings haunt me and making me angry inside for sometime and needed to get rid of it. I felt comfortable posting on here, because many had similiar experiences, but that post about the German is a bit shocking and I hope it's not true. I hope you, Kochuthresiamma or any of the posters see what I'm trying to clarify and my reasoning. I would love to chat on things similiar to this and share more viewpoints and experiences.
ReplyDeleteWhoever has written it,there is some element of truth in what he or she has written.
ReplyDeleteIt is an ordeal for a foreigner to visit our place.The troubles start from the time they land at Trivandrum air port.What Anil said is absolutely right.You just have to make a casual visit to some resorts.They are picked and pulled everywhere they go.
I have visited some places of tourist interests in other countries.When it is a major source of income,they give all the more respect and consideration for the tourists.No where else was I troubled.Even in Africa, they are better behaved.
I have lived in Germany for sometime.I never felt any racist attitudes there.On the other hand,I only felt they were helpful and considerate.
Keralites are big headed,that includes me too,still.We are only aware of our rights, not duties.
lol! Everything that Save Kerala Blog pointed out years ago is now being reaffirmed by the commenters here and at the post you have linked here. If the so called 'pure mallu" crowd people had listened then instead of trolling the site. I hope the ex Desipundit man, the laymen, the Ajay Puppies and the Seema's will shut up now :-p
ReplyDeleteTeacher,
ReplyDeleteIts the same set of people unleashing the same old issue of hatred and tripe for no reason. This mallu- anti-mallu, nri, nrk, pure mallu bashing seems to be a problem for a select few who never miss an opportunity in the blogworld to unleash this smear campaign.
Phoenix, annemarie, annie and other incarnations... please be more vigilant while safeguarding your anonymity :P
Teacher,
ReplyDeleteI hope you understand now why some of us had our reservations on the anonymous comment you copy pasted here as a post. It is people like "phoenix" who make us question the value of an anonymous comment.
A lot of commenters here mentioned different things. The commenter J came out with some excellent points on why this constant war between the two (although it was purely from his/her perspective). He/she also mentioned about a live & let live policy. But the very reason why this would not be possible is because of fundamentalists like phoenix.
If you looked at my comment teacher, you would clearly understand that I never ran away from the fact that we have our own faults. I accepted it as I have always accepted it. Even during the verbal wars in the so called "save kerala" blog (more a trash kerala blog), I always maintained that we had our own problems. Most of us "pure mallus" only differed in the way this blog went about changing the society. Somehow, that fact seems to be lost on these fundamentalists.
It's always black and white for them. People in Kerala are perverts and bad, while those residing outside Kerala are good and fed up of their brethren. Such crass, classless and ridiculously stupid generalization is why I wrote 'dislike' in the first place. You would see a comment by Brigid, followed by validation from "Anne Marie"s and then stamped as final conclusion by vitriol spewing "phoenix"es even if other comments talked about good and bad from both sides. If these people are not fundamentalists, I don't know who are.
Now you know teacher, why people from Kerala find it hard to accept "the culture" of such trolls. J talked about Malayalees "forcing" their culture on their children. While it is true to some extent, one should also try to understand why this happens. Tell me teacher, would any parent let their children forget their roots and where they came from just because they are living in a foreign country? Would you?
However, the mentally sick, attention seeking crass fundamentalists do not want a debate or a discussion for understanding. They are interested in "proving" how they are right. Pothinodu vedopadesham nadathiyittu enthu phalam!
Also, most of these troll fundamentalists believe that it is their right to behave however they want anywhere they like. They pay utter disregard to the cultural and social mosaic of a place and expect that they can have their way with their rude dispositions.
So my sincere request, dear teacher, is to not let faceless, classless, identity-less trolls rape your comment forum with their silly comments which have as much weight and value as animal feces. When some of us make a comment, we are not afraid to let know who we are and why we react the way we do. So if someone wants to make a point, let them do so without the cowardly mask of invisibility. You cannot take a dump at someone's blog and not be held accountable. In case, people want to post anonymous comments, let them be respectful and open minded for a discussion.
What we need is food for thought. Not garbage for disposal.
And since you took my name personally Phoenix, here is my answer for you. I'm not afraid of little barbie girls. Nor am I afraid of their accessories.
ReplyDeleteI will continue to voice my opinion where I feel they would be heard and appreciated. And I would certainly refrain doing so in a public latrine.
these comments are an eyeopener to me. it initiated me to blog politics:-) interesting. power struggle has invaded the blogsphere too, and i am excited to be part of it too!
ReplyDeletei agree with you, Deepak,trying to root out our roots is the most foolish thing to do. i believe this makes you aplogetic for your very existence, prevents you from being yourself and gives you a terrible inferiority complex which is projected as a sense of superiority.it is best to face and accept what we are. anyway, what's wrong with being a keralite? i, for one, want to be nothing else.
Also, in this globalised world, no one can anymore affiliate themselves to a homogeneous traditional culture.but rejecting one's roots is the most foolish way of dealing with one's identity crisis.
reg anonymous comments, i dont think it wise to block them. a lot of truth comes out under the cover of anonymity.
but i admire those who can take a position and reveal their identity.
@teacher, Dravidians migrated form Balochistan area to south India. Why aren't we taking about that root? Or mankind in general originated from Africa. Does that mean we should call Africa our root? Our root is where were we grew up, the environment and society that nurtures us and not where our parents hail from. So your comment "rejecting one's roots is the most foolish way of dealing with one's identity crisis." is foolish at best. Would you go to a US citizen and tell him to remember his British roots? If you do not understand the NRK/NRI phenomenon I suggest you stop commenting about issues you are ignorant about.
ReplyDelete@ anita
ReplyDelete'Our root is where were we grew up, the environment and society that nurtures us and not where our parents hail from.'
i agree whole heartedly with you there. the home where one grows is also part of the environment in which a grows up in. it's a powerful influence in an individual's formative years. how a parent who is a sojourner in an alien country deals with uprootal has a lot to do which how they and their children deal with identity crisis, which incidently, is faced not only by NRIs but also resident indians in india too.all i said was to make a conscious, deliberate effort to cull the roots for whatever purpose is counter productive.
if you tell me that US citizens of italian,african, spanisk, french origin have made a clean break with their roots, well, i'm not prepared to believe it.
'Our root is where were we grew up' - isn't this a vast oversimplification? if things were that easy, the sociologists and immigrant psychologists should be able to distribute out of the shelf solutions for the very complex crisis that immigrants - the second and third generation too- are facing.
' I suggest you stop commenting about issues you are ignorant about.'
i'm afraid i cannot oblige you there. blogsphere is a space where we have the liberty to comment even about things we know nothing about.see, one small comment from me has generated such heat that it has enlightened me on the variety of views and attitudes of the NRIs and non NRIs.reading the comments is a learning experience which i will not give up that easily.
i'm curious to know what your views on Freud's unconscious, collective unconscious, racial unconscious etc are.
btw, for the past five decades, i've been interacting closely (in the family)with NRIs and Us citizens of kerala origin.so i'm not quite willing to plead total ignorance on these issues.
@teacher, "how a parent who is a sojourner in an alien country deals with uprootal has a lot to do which how they and their children deal with identity crisis "
ReplyDeleteFirst, NRI or NRK's have no identity crisis. This is a popular misconception. These people have problems with their kundry cousins disgusting mentality, behavior and the fact that they are not like the rest of Indians and are looked down upon. Thats all.
Second, a NRK/NRI kid interacts with parents briefly in the morning and evenings only. In Kerala kids are locked up in their house and house doors closed by 6pm. Parents dont socializing with anyone and watch TV instead. Outside Kerala, a kid has a healthy lifestyle, with playtime and social events. He/she has minimal time with parents. Parental influence therefore is minimum. In the case of Malayalees, you are overlooking something very big here. The way malayalee attitudes disgusts non malayalai, so it disgusts their kids too. Kids grown up in Aurangabad and Indore are not going to take it kindly when their parents start criticizing their friends, gossiping about their friends parents, their culture and try and keep them away from their peers. Which is what happens in reality. Ultimately parents themselves drive away their NRI/NRK kid with their attitudes. Mallus disgust people very easily, even their own kids. I bet you didn't know this.
You haven't spoken of Africa or our Balochistani roots? What happened?
And Americans would slap your face if you caled their roots English.
Sorry teacher, your arguments of "trying to root out our roots is the most foolish thing to do " and forcibly culling a disgusting culture on kids who have grown in a better society will have no takers. These NRI/NRK kids are better human beings due to their environment than their narrow minded, bitchy and slandering mallu parents.
Really glad to see NRK/NRI's finally standing up and being vocal. The comments here are evidence of our growing sense of a separate identity away from the disgusting stink hole called Kerala.
Dear Teacher
ReplyDeleteThough I don't comment here much, I'm a regular reader of your blog. Its sad to see people turn this place into another forum for trash talk.
I request you not to encourage anymore of this non-sense in your space. Coz, its not serving the purpose it should have done.
Also, I reiterate these so called anti-mallu comments come from the same set of one or two people who post under different names. Being an English Teacher I'm pretty sure you must've guessed as 'usage of language' can be a easy giveaway. This has been happening for years now and they jumped at the opportunity through your post. Since, you didn't really endorse the views presented by these particular set of people, the defensive mode started with really stupid explanations and anecdotes that really test your basic intelligence. I've been following this issue for long and I see a pattern emerging in each of these incidents which is why I claim again they are the same set of people. Teacher its really not worth making an effort to comment on these stubborn, arrogant arguments.
"Now you know teacher, why people from Kerala find it hard to accept "the culture" of such trolls. J talked about Malayalees "forcing" their culture on their children. While it is true to some extent, one should also try to understand why this happens. Tell me teacher, would any parent let their children forget their roots and where they came from just because they are living in a foreign country? Would you?"
ReplyDeleteUh, you are not calling me a troll are you? Because I certainly would prove I'm not a troll if I can only find a way :p. Probably misreading b/c I am very tired from these crazy exams :S. Anyway, what I meant by "forcing" culture onto their kids is NOT having preventing their kids forget their roots. But pining them down to be just like malayalees. Can that happen..I don't think so. They should know that they were born with another identity as well and accept that..but many don't. There's no way you can erase your roots anyway..well because of the way you look on the outside ahaha. If you are dark-skinned and Indian looking, you are of some Indian heritage no doubt..it's very impossible and quite pathetic to say your roots are American when you very Indian looking lol. But I really don't think you don't need to very strictly follow the culture to learn about your ancestors and where you roots hail from. But you can claim what identity you want to be and live among it. I know a few classmates of immigrant parents who are very westernized that you would think they are pure American. We had a discussion on cultural influences and these girls gave TONS of insight about their roots and background on their ancestors, and they themselves admitted they themselves live like Americans I guess. Like do you HAVE TO eat Kerala food using hands everyday, speak the langauge, or anything else kerala-related to learn where your ancestors are from? As long as you respect it and don't go on bashing the way Keralites live..and what I mean is like how they dress, eat..entertainment..etc, it shouldn't matter. Many of us, along with kids in similiar context know our cultures extremely well without having following all these aspects. From what I learned, there's a difference between "identity" and "ethnicity or roots". Others may disagree on this, but your roots basically lie where your ancestors hail from (i.e bloodline)..and your identity is basically who you are. Like I said before, my identity is American and my roots are malayalee. It would be weird to say my roots are American because I never had any English ancestors!
"First, NRI or NRK's have no identity crisis. This is a popular misconception. These people have problems with their kundry cousins disgusting mentality, behavior and the fact that they are not like the rest of Indians and are looked down upon. Thats all."
To me in all honesty, there is no such thing as an identity crisis..what I learned again from experience, you should choose the identity you are comfortable being with. If you want to be American..be American, a German, be a German, if you want to be malayalee, be a malayalee..there is nothing wrong with who you are or want to be. But respect each other for who they are. Even if you were born in another country and want to be something else non-identical from that..go ahead! But you cannot deny your roots, whether or not your follow that particular culture.
However, Anita..I find the last paragraph kind of mean to say..because there are exceptions where some native mallus DO understand and at times are ashamed of some ways too. My cousins very much understand my brother and I and respects us, as we respect them. We are very close because of that.., and also on the other post..that girl Elin or someone seems to understand too and she too said that she hails directly from Kerala..so it's wouldn't be fair to judge this on the entire people..because there are some who do understand. But I agree if it's with those ignorant people.
"Second, a NRK/NRI kid interacts with parents briefly in the morning and evenings only. In Kerala kids are locked up in their house and house doors closed by 6pm. Parents dont socializing with anyone and watch TV instead. Outside Kerala, a kid has a healthy lifestyle, with playtime and social events. He/she has minimal time with parents. Parental influence therefore is minimum. In the case of Malayalees, you are overlooking something very big here. The way malayalee attitudes disgusts non malayalai, so it disgusts their kids too. Kids grown up in Aurangabad and Indore are not going to take it kindly when their parents start criticizing their friends, gossiping about their friends parents, their culture and try and keep them away from their peers. Which is what happens in reality. Ultimately parents themselves drive away their NRI/NRK kid with their attitudes. Mallus disgust people very easily, even their own kids. I bet you didn't know this."
ReplyDeleteI disagree on this. Just like abroad, kids in Kerala too spend time outside and there is socializing, with the addition of that groupism thing...which is kind of sickening in some cases. However, in Kerala, there is only socializng and interaction among malayalees ONLY, whereas abroad socialization is among Indians from different regions, or if in US/UK/Australia..etc, you'll be interacting and come in contact with people from all races and cultures...as they are very very diverse. However, again malayalees tend to be very narrow-minded..which is why when abroad, some of them are against it when their kids makea friends with a non-malayalee child or well not let them hang out with them as if they have some lethal disease. If it's another malayalee child, they sure won't care and be proud :p. It's pretty wrong IMO. I feel that being abroad, especially in the US or UK, is beneficial because you are exposed to different types of people besides your "own" and therefore you will learn to respect them and their ways of life. The more broad minded you are..better off you will be. I think some of the negativity and attitudes that malayalees (some not ALL!) have towards people from different countries is because they never been outside Kerala and therefore were raised with that kind of behavior. But still, they need to change it.
J,
ReplyDeleteYou could not have put it better. And I certainly wasn't calling you a troll :D
I perfectly understand when you say that parents can be stuck up about what their children should be like. I liked how you put across the identity/ethnicity difference too. I was only trying to think from the POV of the villains i.e. parents.
If you see akkarakazhchakal, a famous sitcom on american malayalees, you would see how even the very lovable George has reservations on his kids talking about dating, his son hanging out with girls etc. Is he stuck up? Probably. But is it without reason? I don't think so. The reason why parents don't want their children to be Americanized, I think, is probably because they are only thinking about the bad that can happen to their children. And hence the paranoia. For that matter, I don't think this is a phenomenon restricted to malayalee parents either.
"Even if you were born in another country and want to be something else non-identical from that..go ahead! But you cannot deny your roots, whether or not your follow that particular culture"
Amen!
What Brigid(??) describes is more or less what I'd say about the country which has been my home for the last 20 years,i.e. UK. If any other nationality had been to Germany for at least a year they most probably got more 'colourful' stories to narrate as the Germans, by far, are considered as the worst Xenophobics.
ReplyDeleteThere are good and bad people in all societies (even in a family) and it's bit too childish to categorise all mallus or all NRmallus in the same way.
Having said that it's very unfortunate that our dear Brigid had to encounter such awful treatment from my fellow mallus back home in Kerala. Especially when I have the strong belief that Kerala has successfully managed to confine ALL baddies to TRV & COK,obviously as officials, where you're always made to feel like a semi-retired/ prospective terrorist or an Alien or even better an illegal mallu!!
I'm so glad that you won't be going back to Kerala and hopefully stay back in Germany [as advised by my white British friends ;=))] for good.
Finally,it's always better for a German to get treated like a German in Kerala than a mallu (any indian)who is just another Paki for the 'chav' west. Hope this helps to ease the disappointment...
Kindest regards to Brigid
'A very proud Indian and Malayalee'
Thanks KT Ms and take care
thara
I was born and brought up in Karnataka. I naturally switched code to Kannada by the age of four. My parents - proficient in Kannada -(as they were from border region - Kasaragod/Mangalore) didn't force me to stick to Malayalam(It's a different matter that I have too many Kannada nationalist Malayalis among my relatives!).
ReplyDeleteI hardly knew many Malayalis (born and brought up in Kerala...beyond Kasaragod) until I started my career. I didn't have any negative notions by that time (though childhood opinion might have been different but that is irrelevant). I only had a romantic notion of Malayalis as atheist, rationalist and anti-establishment rebels. Needless to say, I found that notion was not all that correct after I met many of them.
I never learnt any prejudices against non-Malayalis. However, I came across many against Malayalis like;
- Malayalis are black-magicians and untrustworthy (maybe the former is extinct now)
- Malayalis are interested only in sex and politics
Some of the Malayali vices like:
- drunkenness
- sexual perversion
were unheard before I met native Malayalis.
Maybe Kasaragod was too backward and innocent.
"If you see akkarakazhchakal, a famous sitcom on american malayalees, you would see how even the very lovable George has reservations on his kids talking about dating, his son hanging out with girls etc. Is he stuck up? Probably. But is it without reason? I don't think so. The reason why parents don't want their children to be Americanized, I think, is probably because they are only thinking about the bad that can happen to their children. And hence the paranoia. For that matter, I don't think this is a phenomenon restricted to malayalee parents either."
ReplyDeleteYes I've seen that show before and it is hilarious! I like Giri Giri the best...he's the funniest out of all IMO. I hardly watch malayalam entertainment...not too fond of them. I'm more geared to Hindi and Tamil, along with English obviously, but there are a few shows like this along with Idea Star Singer sometimes, and a few film songs that I really really admire. And it surprises my dad that I know TONS about the malayalam film industry, like a whole range of actors and their lives from Mamta, and Kunchacko Boban to Jayachandran...since he knows I don't really watch malayalam. Not too fond of them honestly..but there are very few that I tend to like. There was a new song I ran into youtube while listening to Tamil songs, that has a great beauty to it..Kizhakku Pooku...it's from the movie Anwar with Prithviraj..people said the movie is bad..which should be expected cuz it's a remake of a English movie, (sorry but many remakes are crap..no matter where it is from..original is always the best) but that song is excellent :D
Anyway, I know for a fact that NO parents, doesn't matter what culture or country they are from, wants anything bad to happen to their kids. It's irrevelant because being Americanized or Indianized or whatever does NOT = bad things will happen to you. Bad things does happen to every single human being in this world..doesn't matter where you are from...this world is NOT perfect! And yet in the malayalee world sadly, and some who I have encountered, the people think they can make themselves perfect and pressure their kids to be better than others so they can gloat on it and criticize others whose kids are not like theirs..pretty sad in my opinion. Raising your kids in America doesn't mean automatically bad things will happen to your kids that you need to stuff the cultural values into their throats just to prevent them from getting into a horrible situation. This is where MORAL aspects come in and teaching your kids to learn to make the right choices so they can themselves can prevent trouble. Plus they need to be independent and learn how to make the good choices themselves, rather having the parents telling them what to do all the time..not really good IMO. Though it's ok to get advice and suggestions from them. Moral values and making choices is wholly the HUMAN culture. It doesn't matter who we are and where we are from...we all human beings..be it malayalees, chinese, germans, french, americans..etc are all ONE race. We all need make choices that are right for us and feel will prevent us from harm, though it is never a guarantee. I find this world getting so selfish, greedy, too judgemental..that's it's actually becoming a pity and sad to see all these good people be hurt and corrupt by the ignorance of others. Btw I'm speaking of all people in this world. I saw a video where animals themselves were taking in other orphaned animals and caring for it as if it was their own, and someone pointed out...if animals can get along without being judgemental, why can't we humans be? But, yet becoming a certain identity does not automatically mean bad things will happen to you...I'm not sure if this made sense..but know where I am getting at?
"I was born and brought up in Karnataka. I naturally switched code to Kannada by the age of four. My parents - proficient in Kannada -(as they were from border region - Kasaragod/Mangalore) didn't force me to stick to Malayalam(It's a different matter that I have too many Kannada nationalist Malayalis among my relatives!)"
ReplyDeleteSounds like your parents realize the way many malayalees behave..maybe that's why they didn't force the culture onto you because they don't want you to be like them..? Kudos to them to at least not make you narrow minded and let you grow and flourish on your own without hounding so many expectations that they want. I will say you are lucky on that part. You can, if interested can and usually do gain the curiosity and interest to learn about your origin and enjoy it without any discomfort because being forced to follow a certain culture sometimes can be hard ony our mindset, and thus makes you want to abandon it. Ask many here. And those who I know, whose parents accepted the way they are, and never made a insight on it or strictly force it on them..tend to gain a curiosity on their culture when they are older and let them explore it on their own. I wish my parents were like yours. I then can be who I feel comfortably being and perhaps enjoy the malayalee culture MUCH MORE than I actually do.
I sympathise with Brigid for having felt left out. But I have a feeling it is more or less the same everywhere and with every race - not just Malayalis. I was in Mysore once for a couple of months and whichever group I was with, would without the least bit of hesitation switch to Hindi (I did not know Hindi and I had told them so many times).
ReplyDeleteBut later when I came to Kerala and a Northie would be stuck in a group of Mallus, he had to face the same fate. He would repeat that he cannot follow us, we'd switch to English for a bit and then switch to Malayalam again.
People are not exactly inconsiderate to an outsider - they are just reluctant to come out of their comfort zones. Very selfish I agree, but I don't think it is arrogance. Personally I have felt Malayalis take an extra effort to accept a foreign face into their midst and make her feel at home. Some go out of their way to try to impress them.
And talking behind your back - well Mallus do that with other Mallus too! Not anything against a foreigner - they prolly have the advantage of speaking "in front" because of the language. Otherwise a foreigner is treated no different as another Malayali.
There are always exceptions and your friend Brigid must have been quite unlucky to run into those.
Sandeep said..."I thought we Malayalees should know how the world sees us."
ReplyDelete"WE MALAYALEES" have nothing to learn from this.
We all know how "Germans" are the most "kindest" creatures of this Whole planet.
Please save us this kind of homilies, at least from your sisters of that part of the world.
shameful!!! it may be true we have some common traits within the malayalee community.
ReplyDeleteAn elephant doesn't know about its size, but a malayaleee knows!!!!
ReplyDeleteNamalde malayalee society koracha shame undu, pashe foreigeners njaan thone nalate treat cheyum..ende daivaime :(
ReplyDeleteSaw this had to comment. One thing for sure is there are bad people everywhere, doesn't matter if it is a malayalee, german, american,..there are always good and bad people in each and every race, culture..etc. As malayalee myself, it's pretty hard to believe that a person would be treated like that off the bat, but there may be some truth in it because I know malayalees who are racist towards other people...but that shouldn't be generalized among ALL malayalees..though there's a very good number who act like this. I find many malayalees, let alone Indians abroad change their views on life and thus getting rid of their narrow-mindedness..and are learning that we people are all one, regardless where we are from. I have come to realize that when I moved away from Kerala, and regarding to the comments between J and Layman, I do understand the point of view because I myself are raising my kids abroad and unlike many immigrant parents, are aware of the implications. Yes our children can never grow up like kids in Kerala in a different environment because of the influences outside the malayalee community are much more stronger, and so it's never a good idea to have expectations among them. They are growing up, along with malaylee kids, kids from other background and culture..therefore having a different mentality. Besides, the world is completely changed today. However, like J. said, even though kids growing up abroad..the typical NRI..you can still INFLUENCE culture on them..not FORCE them, because I also learned it can have an effect on them and thus do make them abandon everything when they older. I have influeneced my kids in a certain manner and they are aware of their background and culture even though they are like Americans ..you know? Heck one of them had desire to learn our language and learned to read, write and speak malayalam fluently..the other two (have three kids), not so much but that's ok because they know alot about our culture regardless where it is not foreign to them because of the customs my wife and I still keep with us. And because of that, they grew to love the culture, which was what I was hoping for. I knew if I had been using the methods of typical malayalees where we beat, put too many restrictions or do this or that harshly, it will make them hate everything..and no one wants that. Seen it before. Where one grows up and is heavily influenced by shapes one's thinking and ideas..and to shape that thinking, you need to grow up in that area for a good majority of your life, starting from birth, not a fraction..because I know kids who were born and abroad and were raised in Kerala for sometime of their life and still have the western mentality. That's what I learned. I always also found that raising kids abroad is much better than raising solely in India because they are exposed to diversity and different types of people of all cultures, race etc..not just one group/type of people..therefore they have a better incentive to learn to respect all kinds of people and not judge on one's skin color..those who just grew up in their native country and only associate w/ their own people don't see the beauty of diversity and therefore will judge and gossip one's way of life, which is wrong...but again, they will never understand.
ReplyDeleteMalayalees are a shameless perverted community!
ReplyDeleteI have been to Maharashtra where I have seen prople from Bihar getting beaten up just because they are from Bihar. We cant judge a comunity just because of my experience. In your post there is a mention of Tamilians being more polite. I studied in Keala and when a group from our batch visited IIT Chennai they were provided rooms that were nearest to the bathrooms even when other good rooms were available. It seems that is a regular practice there. Does that make them bad?
ReplyDeleteI spent a good part of my life in Tamil Nadu and I know how good thay are. And I know how good Kerala is. All this is the perception of people and we should not read much into it.
I am a mallu who has lived for some time in Germany and thus have some familiarity with the English that the Germans speak. I am reluctant to believe that the cited rant is written by a German. It feels more like Indian English. One prominent thing is the talking style of the text. Another is the capitalization. Germans never do this type of small-casing of everything. The custom Capital letters for nouns and sentence beginnings is one very close to their heart. So I am rather inclined to believe that the commentator is a person of Indian origin.
ReplyDeleteBut of course, this ad-hominem criticism does not negate the content of the comment. Some of the accusations are unfortunately true. Nevertheless, it cannot be so bad as the OP insists it is. The simple reason is that a white person is treated like a master in any part India. India is still having a lot of colonial mindset. Some of the resentment from ridicule of corrupted language would in any case be negated by the slavish service they would receive.
Putting in my two cents :
ReplyDeleteI am from North, stayed in bangalore for 2.5 years. The best people I met from the southern states (T.N. , A.P., Karnataka and Kerala) were keralites or mallu. I made friends with several malayalees and we got along like a house on fire, I even visited my friends' home in kerala (Thrissur) . I have nothing but good things to say about Kerala and its people.
I now stay in Germany, and I can assure you very well ..the anonymous comment is not from any german. As previous comments noted , the style of writing is so not german.
And to just add at the end, my experiences with people from T.N. were the worst barring very few exceptions.
From -bjigya
To My friend from Germany,
ReplyDeletewhat you describe is the definition of the "THE MALLU" characteristics. The real Malayalee and his culture have perished very long ago. Today our place is filled with beasts along with some ghosts which have very distant relation of the real ones....
anyway sorry for your grieves back then.
Well, I am a pure malayalee and although I don't believe in this nonsense, I will say that I agree with both NRK's and our fellow natives, and also disagree as well on certain aspects. I feel this is going to be a very long post, but I will explain everything in detail to give a certain perspective. And I certainly welcome and would love to hear comments from others. Also to note, I hope to not offend anyone. I don't think it is offensive, but if it did, it is not meant to.
ReplyDeleteI do agree that we have so many negative malayalee characteristics within our malayalee community. Unlike many malayalees, after spending so much time in the US I began to learn and understand about this issues and thus realize the cultural differences between NRI'/NRK's and pure malayalees. And yes, I have noticed a lot of disgusting things about them, the egoism, superiority complex, some of them with this "know it all" personality and the amount of criticism and gossip present. I live in the Chicago region of the USA and though there are tons of malayalees living there, I don't associate with them too much anymore except for family and very close childhood friends. This is very common and I am absolutely fed up with it. Ironically I was like this once a upon a time, but after some life lessons and going through some difficult relationships with my sons, it made me realize my lack of perspective and to become more open.
But one may question the reason behind this and I know exactly what it is now. Where we are raised and the types of people we are surrounded with entirely and grew up with shapes our thinking, beliefs and so forth. The ideals we have come from not only our parents but also people from outside such as teachers and other individuals. For example, in Kerala, many of us are raised to work hard and become something that gets paid a lot of money (Doctor engineer). We also grow up and learn to live according to societal expectations and must be what others see us as so that we don't be shamed. So therefore, it should be understood how we typically behave, but still we shouldn't enforce that to others who had not grew up in Kerala all their lives. That's where the problem lies.
Also we grow up ONLY with other malayalees and hardly we are exposed to a non-malayalee. In some cases, like some of the NRK's said, this is probably the reason why many malaylees who move from Kerala have issues with socializing with non-malayalees and will only "flock" with malayalees and never an outsider, and at times, an NRK. It is understandable because they are not used to new kinds of people, so it shouldn't be a bad thing, thus ok to be with someone who is like them. But what is not ok and very disgusting is that there are plenty out there, despite living outside Kerala for such a long time, will never attempt to engage in a conversation with a non-malayalee, "flock" with other malayalees and make ignorant comments and gossip about people who are not malayalee! I heard someone mentioned about non-malayalees not having class and also they are lazy and not worth on another thread. I have had similar experiences with some of my fellow people. This is where some of the arrogancy arises and one thing I find that makes our people look incredibly bad.
ReplyDeleteOutside Kerala, in other parts of India, Dubai, United States..etc, kids grow up with people from other cultures, backgrounds.etc. And because of that we have this "global" thinking. We learn to discover who we are, our talents, interests, and have a dream set for us that we are desperate to follow. We then learn to work hard to achieve what we dream in life and will make us happy. We learn to grow into our own unique individuals, not live to societal expectations. Happiness is the main key. It will bring a lot of good things such as good foundations, relationships..etc. Funny this is everywhere in the world except for Kerala and maybe some parts of China. You also learn on how to make your own choices in life and what you feel what is right for you, not anyone else.
Try your Kerala arrogance in an Arab nation, your head will just torn off and thrown into the road side. The arrogant ugly fat black bastards just wag their tail in front of Arabs and whine like puppies. Next time a keralite acts arrogant, just smash him up. usually they back down at physical confrontation or a gun pointed at their heads. It's the communist mentality, an arrogance. A zero development state with the highest suicide rate, child molestation rates, and alcoholism, and political violence. That's what most of us felt traveling to this hell hole.
ReplyDeleteDear All,
ReplyDeleteLet's approach this issue calmly. Every race, community has its own peculiarities. That way the Malayalees are no different. But what makes them different is there is an unmistakable arrogance they demonstrate at every conceivable opportunity. The remnants of matriarchal culture have made the Malayalee women even more arrogant than the men. A number of men who have married malayalee women curse themselves for having got married to malayalee women. (it is again interesting to note that among the Indian women, it is the number of malayalee women who have married into other communities is the largest. May be deep inside they hate malayalee men!) Such families which have associated with Malayalees through marriage develop an intense hatred because of the way malayalees behave. The children seeing their malayalee relatives move away from the malayalee (so called) "culture" and embrace the other parent's culture and way of life.
Outside kerala, the malayalees are detested and shunned. Even among themselves they keep fighting all the time. They are very weird and best avoided.
Most importantly, never marry a malayalee.
The experience of the german visitor in this blog is absolutely genuine.
ReplyDeleteMalayalees are perhaps the worst in the country in every aspect.
They are greedy like pigs. They exploit every where in the world. Most selfish and most cunning people earth has ever seen.
These people pollute everywhere in India. Because of their foolishness and misdeeds, all of South India is black-marked.
They are horrible people.
Hell be with you. Let your puking souls find peace shit heads.
The comment is absolutely true.........most of the keralites think they are superior than others.i am a malayali...malayalis talk about respect a lot but in reality they respect, people they know.Especially most of the middle aged people............
ReplyDeleteI feel the foreign friend's comments truly reflect the current arrogance of a typical Malayali. In good old time when rest of India was emerging, current Mallu's hardworking forefathers created a name for them as industrious and hardworking lot which is no longer true. All good Malayalees have escaped from the 'illusionary' heaven. The real attitude of Malayali is like a frog in the well. They think that is the best place. Self denial will not take us to higher grounds. let us reflect on those comments and improve for own benefit
ReplyDeleteWhat I'm seeing is that there is a lot of self hatred amongst malayalis, especially those born and bred outside. In this respect I would advise the NRK malayalis to take a leaf out of the book of punjabis who are extremely self confident about their identity. Punjabis irrespective of their domiciled status take pride in their ethnicity and proudly flaunt it.
ReplyDeleteIt seems that resident malayalis and non-resident malayalis are like two irreconcilable poles. All it takes is understanding from both sides that each one of them is product of their particular milieu and they need to mentally and emotionally exert themselves to meet each other half way. At the present stage of humanity, the majority of people are helpless victims of their upbringing and inherited traits. Thus their psychological construction is pretty much outside their hands. There are of course the exceptional individuals who study and observe themselves in action and consciously evolve into much better individuals. But till that becomes the norm for humanity at large, we will continue to have these inevitable clashes that results from different psychological, genetic and cultural make up.
I would like to conclude by saying that it is very easy to become negative under the stress of negative external experiences but it takes character and toughness of personality to maintain a positive frame of mind even under stressful circumstances.
Thanks to Nehru, we Indians fight against each other on linguistic grounds. I've seen this linguistic spirit almost every state wherever i've been. Every state in india has its own background. one reason probably why keralites are hated especially in gulf is because of their history. kerala is one of the very few states in india that has seen communism. communism has unfortunately taught keralites only about their rights not their duty. children in kerala are exposed to politics at a very young age. when i was a child(grew up in mumbai), till the the age of 13, had no idea what election, MLA, politics etc. was. Where as my cousins back in kerala knew the party they supported, who is their local party leader, party worker etc. the same politics is basically observed even in work places where they end up working after their studies.
ReplyDeleteanother reason why people hate keralites is that they are everywhere. more prominant in every corner of the world than any other indian community and they try to make themselves comfortable where ever they go by forming malayalee samajam, kerala departmental stores, radio station etc. This is not taken in the right spirit by other communities. they feel that they have suddenly become the minority community. This situation arises because keralites are more "Kerala" than "Indian". What i've observed is that they have a tendency of introducing people from other countries as people from kerala and not from india. this creates a divide within the indian community. this hatred can be reduced if the feeling of being an indian first is made with people around. this can definitely change the equation. also we malayalees tend to speek in our mother tongue even in a group of mixed communities. malayalam being totally an alien language to north indians and which cannot be understood by other at all, becomes a little bit irritating. speaking in a common language like hindi or english is the only solution. but i understand that it is extremely difficult for a keralaite to speak in other languages because of our upbringing. inspite of me being a malayalee, i find it difficult to speak in malayalam since i was born and brought up in mumbai. i tend to think in hindi/english and translate the same in malayalam (my relatives do make fun of my malayalam though but its fine as long as they understand what i have to say). i guess keralaites face the same problem. but in mixed community speaking in a regional language is NO NO.
Thanks to Nehru, we Indians fight against each other on linguistic grounds. I've seen this linguistic spirit almost every state wherever i've been. Every state in india has its own background. one reason probably why keralites are hated especially in gulf is because of their history. kerala is one of the very few states in india that has seen communism. communism has unfortunately taught keralites only about their rights not their duty. children in kerala are exposed to politics at a very young age. when i was a child(grew up in mumbai), till the the age of 13, had no idea what election, MLA, politics etc. was. Where as my cousins back in kerala knew the party they supported, who is their local party leader, party worker etc. the same politics is basically observed even in work places where they end up working after their studies.
ReplyDeleteanother reason why people hate keralites is that they are everywhere. more prominant in every corner of the world than any other indian community and they try to make themselves comfortable where ever they go by forming malayalee samajam, kerala departmental stores, radio station etc. This is not taken in the right spirit by other communities. they feel that they have suddenly become the minority community. This situation arises because keralites are more "Kerala" than "Indian". What i've observed is that they have a tendency of introducing people from other countries as people from kerala and not from india. this creates a divide within the indian community. this hatred can be reduced if the feeling of being an indian first is made with people around. this can definitely change the equation. also we malayalees tend to speek in our mother tongue even in a group of mixed communities. malayalam being totally an alien language to north indians and which cannot be understood by other at all, becomes a little bit irritating. speaking in a common language like hindi or english is the only solution. but i understand that it is extremely difficult for a keralaite to speak in other languages because of our upbringing. inspite of me being a malayalee, i find it difficult to speak in malayalam since i was born and brought up in mumbai. i tend to think in hindi/english and translate the same in malayalam (my relatives do make fun of my malayalam though but its fine as long as they understand what i have to say). i guess keralaites face the same problem. but in mixed community speaking in a regional language is NO NO.
95% of women don’t feel safe on Mumbai’s streets
ReplyDeleteMumbai: Some 95 per cent of women in Mumbai have to grapple with sexual harassment on the streets on a daily basis — debunking the myth the city is the safest in India.
"When the study was conducted, we did expect the sexual harassment incidents to be high but were quite shocked by the results," says Elise Zenck, Information Officer of Akhshara, a women's resource centre.
“
When the study was conducted, we did expect the sexual harassment incidents to be high but were quite shocked by the results.
”
Elise Zenck, Information Officer of Akhshara
"It's the men who have perpetrated the myth Mumbai is safe for women," she adds.
Ninety five per cent of women interviewed in a Hindustan Times-Akshara survey conducted by Cfore, a market research company, revealed they had experienced some kind of harassment or assault. Whether it is lewd comments, touching or violent attacks, 68 per cent of Mumbai's women do nothing about it while 15 per cent seek the help of police and only four per cent file a complaint. And only seven per cent call up helplines, although Helpline 103 is available across Maharashtra for women as well as senior citizens and children in distress.
Article continues below
Even Akshara's 2009 study on sexual harassment in colleges in Mumbai showed there was rampant harassment but young women were not reporting it.
The reasons are multifold: being afraid to approach the police, no faith in them being able to act on their complaint, police not recording the incident and even blaming the victim. Mumbai Police recorded only 473 incidents of outraging the modesty of a woman under section 354 of the Indian Penal Code and 137 cases of intended insults to the modesty of a woman under section 509 from January 1 to October 31, 2011.
Link: http://gulfnews.com/news/world/india/95-of-women-don-t-feel-safe-on-mumbai-s-streets-1.950523